We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
