dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
