Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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