Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.