Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?