I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups