The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
