maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
