I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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