Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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