No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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