bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
