My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
