At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
