i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
