Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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