i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
