So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
