the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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