she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
