I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
