I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
