i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
