what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
