So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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