there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
