please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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