I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
