but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
