and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
