I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
