I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
