Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
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