You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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