Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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