Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
