"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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