hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
...so i touched it.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
