i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
