He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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