I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
