Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I want to fling myself into the sun
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
