you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
