Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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