Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We left an ass print on the piano.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
