I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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