Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
