the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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