If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
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