How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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