Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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