I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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