Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
