I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
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i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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