I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
