so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
