Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
