Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
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