I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
