yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
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He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
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This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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