Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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