I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
