I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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