I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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