puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
