so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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