based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
