Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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