Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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