i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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