So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
